Performing for Neon Stars (16)

One of the required blogs that my class has been asked to do is to post our narrative papers. So without further ado, here's my paper:

Performing for Neon Stars

 

Me, Summer, and Kayla

           The muffled voices of the crowd seemed to increase in volume by the minute, but I refused to sneak-a-peek behind the curtain as if my life depended on it. I was sure that one glance was all it would take to turn me into a helpless mess of nerves and fear. Instead, I found refuge backstage in a dressing room that smelled entirely of hairspray and that felt like the air-conditioning had iced the room over. My hands were both covered in sweat and shaking uncontrollably, but I knew the temperature of the dressing room had nothing to do with that. Just as I knew that it also wasn’t causing my heart to pound so hard within my chest that I was sure the crowd could hear it as well. The crowd. Not one minute could pass without the thought creeping its way into my mind. What had I gotten myself into? In just a few short minutes I was about to find myself center-stage, mic in hand, hopefully ready to sing in front of an unknown amount of people.

            A week before this, I passed the sign-up sheet for my high school’s talent show while walking to chorus class. I had always wanted to audition, but the courage to do so had never quite built up enough for me to write my name down. But it’s senior year, this is your last chance! I found myself participating in a lot of things I normally wouldn’t have, only because it was senior year. I had attended a majority of my school’s football games, joined clubs that had always interested me, and even conquered my fear of donating blood all within my senior year. So why not add the talent show to that list? Before I had the chance to talk myself out of it, I quickly signed my name. However, without hesitation I also added “and Summer Renslow” beside my name before capping my pen and hurriedly making my way into class. I guiltily took my seat in the alto section next to my best friend, Summer, who instantly knew something was off.

            “What’s up? You look like something bad just happened to you,” she said being the observant friend that she is.

            I decided to get straight to the point as I answered, “Not exactly. You know how I’ve always wanted to sing in the talent show? Well, I just signed up for it…in fact, I signed us up together.”

            Not that I was very worried that Summer would be upset with me, but her reply was a relief, “That’s a great idea! We should ask Kayla to sing with us!”

            Almost before I could comprehend what had just happened, I found myself and two of my friends auditioning to sing in our school’s talent show.

            Knock-knock. The sharp sound upon the dressing room door brought me back to reality, deserting my flashback of how I had gotten in this position.

            The door opened and Summer appeared, “Hey, are you doing okay? The show is about to start. We are the fourth act, so you can stay in here a little while longer if you want.”

            Can I stay in here forever? Almost against my will, the words “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll meet you out there in a minute” escaped my mouth.

            She gave me a reassuring nod and a smile before stepping out of the room. If only my nerves could have left along with her. Just as I was attempting to bring myself together, the voice of a woman welcoming everyone to the talent show quieted the crowd. She welcomed the first performer on stage and unknowingly started my inner-countdown of performances before my own.

            The first performer, Michael, was a very talented singer. His voice had the opposite effect on me than what I had expected. The back of my mind was telling me that I should be worried, that his talent as a singer should make me feel incomparable. But that wasn’t how I was feeling at all. Where doubt and fear should have been, a feeling of peace replaced it. Because over the sound of Michael’s singing, I could also hear the cheers and shouts of support coming from his friends and family. I was overwhelmed with this feeling of gratitude towards the people that had previously told me that they would attend the talent show for me. I realized that it was because of them that I would be able to make it through my performance.

            As I gathered the courage to stand up, I caught myself in the reflection of the dressing room mirror. You can do this. You’ve rehearsed countless times. After about a minute of giving myself a pep talk, I smoothed my hair and smiled at my reflection. Let’s do this. I opened the door and tried to find my way around the pitch-black darkness of backstage. My eyes adjusted around the same time that Michael’s song ended and I joined in on the loud applause that followed him. The big smile upon his face surged another wave of confidence within me and I smiled along with him. I found Summer and Kayla waiting behind the navy, felt curtain just as the next act was being announced. Summer grabbed my hand, gave it a tight squeeze, and a look on her face that seemed to say “we can do this.”  I know we can.

            As the talent show went on, the three of us went over our performance one last time.             “Remember,” Summer made eye-contact with me and continued, “Ashley, you’re going to be on stage first. Just like how we did in rehearsal. The spotlight will come on you, you’ll sing for a while and then Kayla and I will walk down the aisles next to the audience and meet you on stage later.”

            Although the idea of having a single spotlight on me was a little terrifying, I smiled and nodded my head.

            Kayla then said, “I’m really scared that I’m going to forget the lyrics. I can’t sing that one part by myself. Ashley, please sing with me on my solo!”

            I knew she was really nervous about her solo, not just because of the troubles it had brought her during our rehearsals, but also because of the look on her face. In a way, Kayla’s nervousness comforted me while the strong confidence that always seemed to emanate from Summer left me feeling a little childish.

            I agreed to sing with her and added, “Also, don’t forget that at the bridge of the song we are going to wave our arms towards the crowd to get them to do the same.”

            After they both gave me their nods of acknowledgement, it was announced that we were to perform next. We hugged each other and smiled one last time before Summer and Kayla walked down the stairs to take their places within the aisles of the crowd, leaving me backstage and alone. I closed my eyes and thought about my family and friends in the crowd. A member of the tech crew handed me my microphone, followed by a reassuring “Good luck!” I smiled at him, turned my mic on, and proceeded to walk onto the stage.

            I maneuvered myself through the darkness to center-stage and took a deep breath. I looked up just as the spotlight hit me and tried not to look like a deer caught in a headlight.

            Just then, the voice of one of my friends from the audience echoed through the auditorium, “You better sing, Ashley! You’ve got this girl!”

            I couldn’t help the instant smile that appeared on my face because of that one cheer of support. At that moment, Taylor Swift’s “Breathe” started playing and I began to sing. The feeling of nerves and fear of forgetting lyrics immediately left me and I was completely happy. The words left my mouth effortlessly and I became even happier once Summer and Kayla joined the stage with me soon after. I was loving every second of singing with them and I couldn’t imagine it getting any better!

            Much to my surprise, during the song’s bridge where the three of us got the crowd waving, my mom had given my family and friends glow sticks. The auditorium went from being a vast wall of darkness to a sea of neon blue, green, and pink. As they started to wave in time to the music, the glow sticks lost their individual color and soon became a single mixture of neon. That section of the crowd emanated a beautiful light within an otherwise pitch-black auditorium. But it was more than the effect of the glow sticks that brought me so much bliss, it was the support of the people holding them.

            The song came to a close, the stage lights dimmed, and the curtains began to enclose the three of us back into darkness. I stood frozen on stage as I looked out on the crowd before the curtains completely closed. I will always remember the brilliancy of the glow sticks against the darkness of the auditorium, like stars in the sky of a late summer night.

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading my narrative and watching our performance! Unfortunately, for a good part of the song the lights crew wasn't paying attention and didn't center the spotlight, thus making me pretty much invisible. But it's all good, I loved singing with my friends and I'd do it all again if I could! :)

Livin' in Color (15)

I'm just going to put this out there from the start: the title of this blog doesn't really fit with what I'm going to write about. I feel like when you read it you may expect some sort of metaphor that compares my life to, like, the beauty of the colors of this earth or something, but really I just want to talk about the Festival of Colors. And honestly, I felt like titling this blog entry with the event would be lame, but maybe a cliche title just makes it more lame.

Anyway, if it wasn't obvious, I got to go to the Festival of Colors yesterday! It was my first time, which was exciting because I'd always seen people from my stake back home go to BYU and then post pictures of them at this event. I've done the Color Run before so I felt prepared for all the chalk and the lack of oxygen that follows the countdown to everyone throwing their chalk up at the same time. I really enjoyed this festival! I mean it's hard not to love rockin' music, being covered in color, and beautiful weather. One of the coolest things about this event was it's location, which was at the Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple in Spanish Fork. It was a pretty awesome building and my roommate and I loved being able to go to the upper part of it. The view up there was pretty sweet and the warm breeze that passed through felt great.

It was also a much-needed occasional escape from the constant cloud of chalk below, you'd be surprised at how much of that stuff gets in your mouth. Spoiler: it doesn't taste pleasant...like, at all. But it's not too bad, I wouldn't not go just because of that. However, I'd suggest wearing sunglasses and bringing a bandanna to cover your mouth if you're worried about it.

Since the festival is so popular, there were a ton of people there! It got a little hectic briefly because my roommate and I got separated from each other and cell service wasn't too great out there. After a while though, we found each other so it was all good. Then we had to find the other people we went with, which took quite a bit of time as well. So basically what I'm saying is that I've learned the importance of designating a meet-up spot...the hard way. I'll have to keep that in mind for future things!

Once everyone was together again and we were all ready to go, we decided to drive to a nearby creek and wash off. The water was really cold...at least that was what I was told. I honestly didn't really notice the temperature because just jumping in filled me with a bunch of adrenaline. We went to a part of the creek that was pretty deep and that had a rock that you could jump off into it. The only bad thing was that if you didn't jump far enough out off the rock, you risked landing in a shallow area. It took me a long time to build up the courage to make myself jump, but part of me must have hesitated because I didn't quite make it to the deep part.

Messiest and most crowded car ride ever, btw

Luckily the ground was muddy and really soft! It was like landing on a memory foam slide because my body slid down the ground and I was still completely submerged in the water. But yeah, what an adventure that was!

Needless to say, I had a lot of fun and I'm glad I was able to go! It was worth the hassle of getting all the chalk out of my hair, clothes, and shoes. Going to the festival yesterday made me realize that this semester, and freshman year, really is almost over. Now's the time to not only focus on finals and all of that, but also have fun and enjoy my time here at BYU. Sure school is challenging, but I wouldn't give up the remainder of my semester for anything!

Because He Lives (14)

This past Friday morning, the church released a new video and I felt really inspired to share it. I know that I've already written a blog about Mormon Messages before, but honestly you can never watch too many! This particular video was made with Easter in mind and I absolutely love it. Here it is:

Pretty awesome, right? I think that sometimes we forget why we really celebrate this special holiday. It's easy for us to get caught up in Easter egg hunts, candy, and presents from the Easter bunny. But those things aren't what makes it such a special Sunday. Don't get me wrong though, I love a good Easter egg hunt and an occasional Reese's peanut-butter egg (or dozens of them) just like everyone else. However, we celebrate Easter to remember that Jesus Christ lives! He came to this earth willingly and prepared to pay the ultimate price for our sins. He loved us so much that he suffered persecution, rejection, and eventually death so that we can return to Him and our Heavenly Father again. But just as the video testifies, the greatest miracle was the he rose on the third day and overcame death. I know that my Savior lives and what a blessing that is!

My favorite part of this video is when it turns into a personal application. Because He lives, we can always turn to Him. It doesn't matter what it is you need help with, who you are, or the things you have done in the past, He loves you and is always there for you! I know that this is true. I know that even during the times that I feel completely alone, I'm not. I know that my Savior is always there for me, it's just up to me to reach out to Him. I'm so grateful for Him and for the knowledge that He lives!
I hope you enjoyed this video. Feel free to share it with as many people as you can! Let us remember Christ always, but especially during this Easter holiday.
P.S. General Conference is this coming weekend! Tune in here for some uplifting talks and all-around awesomeness :)

Look Sister Steadman, No Hands! (13)

You may have thought that these blogs were the only assignments I've been doing for my Writing 150 class, but let me assure you that I've also had to write a couple of papers! Currently I've been working on my research paper, also known as the most important and heavily graded assignment in this class. Yeah, no pressure! We've all been asked to write about a family story, which doesn't sound too bad at first, right? However, the family story also has to relate to an issue that is not only relevant to today, but interesting to us as well. After contemplating for some time about what I'm going to write about, I've decided to write about my Samoan heritage. My mom was born in Pago Pago, American Samoa, but moved to the U.S. when she was quite young. With that being said, I'm writing about how moving to a new country effects the cultural identity of generations to follow. I've seen in my own life that because I was born and raised in the states, I don't have as strong of a connection to my Polynesian culture, especially because I don't know how to speak Samoan. My plan is to share examples from my life of feeling distant from my Samoan heritage and connect them to research of other immigrants to America. I'm pretty excited about this topic and hopefully I'll be able to successfully write my research paper!

Below is an exercise for my research paper that my teacher had us do in class:

PART 1. How do I feel about my research paper right at this moment?
There are so many ways I could go about writing this paper that I feel pretty overwhelmed. But as time goes on and I research more, I feel better and better about my paper. I'm excited to see how it turns out.

PART 2. Create a dialogue between you and someone reading your paper.
Reader: Why did you choose this topic?
Me: I think sometimes I take for granted who I am and the family I've been blessed with. Being Samoan is pretty cool and I don't take the time to appreciate my culture very much, so that's why I chose this topic!
Reader: That's interesting. What do you want readers to get out of reading your paper?
Me: I guess I just want people to appreciate where they came from. If you feel like you don't have enough of your culture incorporated into your life, then take the time to change that and educate yourself!
Reader: Do you feel like writing this paper helped you appreciate your culture?
Me: I think it did. Just reading about Samoa made me realize how much I really I didn't know and I'm excited to learn more!

PART 3. Well it seems to me that...
We can always learn more about our families. As I said before, your culture is a huge part of who you are so you shouldn't take it for granted. Just like with anything else, there is always more for you to learn!

The reason for this exercise was to see where we all were with our papers. So if reading this didn't make sense, don't worry! It was more for the purpose of helping me with my research paper than anything else. :)

The Final Stretch (12)

It's that time again folks! I'm a little over half way done with my second semester of college, thus completing my freshman year at BYU. Where has the time gone?!? Some days it feels like I've been here forever and that summer break is way beyond my reach...other days I feel like I just flew out to Provo and began this fun yet challenging adventure. The past six or so months have been a whirlwind of making new friends, stressing over school, eating just about every meal in the Cannon, and being surrounded by people who share the same beliefs as me - which is really cool! I've never experienced anything like BYU and the spirit that is felt here every day, I'm so blessed to attend this university.

College has taught me a lot. Aside from the brain rush of history, nutrition, biology, etc that I've gotten since being here, I've also learned a lot more about myself. My testimony has been strengthened so much as I've been taught in my Book of Mormon classes, in devotionals and firesides, and through hearing the testimonies of my peers in both classes and church meetings. It's truly amazing how much you can be taught by people your own age! I've always been so used to having adult leaders teach Sunday School and Relief Society lessons. Being in a YSA ward, where my friends teach the lessons, I've felt and been touched by the spirit just as much as if an experienced adult was giving it. My testimony of missionary work has been strengthened through this because I have witnessed that we are able to teach effectively, regardless of our age. It's not that I had any doubts before, but it's comforting to experience it. Although there are a lot of reasons why I know the church is true, I know it has to be true because in any other situation, 18 and 19 year old kids wouldn't be able to teach something so effectively if it weren't true. If you really think about it that way, you can see why missionary work is truly amazing! I feel so blessed to have made such great friends here, they are wonderful examples

and I can't wait to see them all again after we've all served our missions! Not only have my friends been examples to me, but everyone I'm surrounded by as well. You can't even imagine how many mission calls I've seen being opened since living here! Along with that, at work I'm also able to hear a lot of my co-workers tell funny and powerful missionary stories. BYU is truly a blessing!
Even though school is hard and it stresses me out a lot, I'm always grateful to be here. This final stretch of my freshman year is going to require a lot of focus! Especially when all I can seem to think about is serving a mission. Although it's really hard to remain patient for my call to serve, I'm also kind of glad I don't have it yet. If I did, I'm pretty sure staying focused during these next 6 weeks would be way more difficult than it already is! I have a lot to look forward to in the next couple of years, I'm in an exciting part of my life. Pray that I successfully finish my freshman year and that I don't go crazy in the process! :)

There's a First Time for Everything (11)

This past Saturday, I got to do something that I've never done but have always wanted to do...shoot a gun! I guess the opportunity to do so has never really come up, which is surprising for someone who grew up where hunting is fairly popular. A couple years ago, my Young Women's group went shooting, but for whatever reason I wasn't able to be there. Luckily, I finally got to this past weekend! My roommate, Brie, has a co-worker who enjoys shooting and was willing to take us. So that's exactly what we did! He came and picked us up and off we went to this open mountain range to meet up with his roommates. I still have no idea where we were, but it was beautiful!

Utah always surprises me because I never expect it to be so flat and deserted. You'd think by now I'd be used to the fact that there are no trees and that aside from the mountains, everything else is completely flat. The cool thing about that though is that you can see for miles! Once we got to our shooting location, we had to quickly find another spot because the people next to us were shooting very close to us. I was actually kind of scared for my life because you could literally hear the bullets zooming by us. Brie cracked me up because she pretty much instantly dove behind the car for cover, but to be honest it was completely necessary! I've never been so genuinely scared of being shot in my life, which I now see is a true blessing. However, once we moved locations we were completely safe! (So don't worry, Mom and Dad...if you're reading this!) 

Seeing that it was our first time, Brie and I listened to a brief set of instructions and gun safety (honestly we weren't told much) and then we were handed our first gun. Somehow it was decided that

I was to go first, so I positioned the shotgun properly and braced myself. Once I pulled the trigger, I was completely surprised at how easy it was! Don't get me wrong, I know pulling a trigger is easy...it was the kickback that I was worried about! But the gun I first shot with wasn't very strong (sorry, I don't know gun terminology) so it wasn't bad at all! I actually really enjoyed it, regardless of my lack in ability to hit any of the targets. The guys we were with on the other hand, had very good aim. They took turns throwing "clay pigeons" in the air and shooting them as if it were effortless. Maybe someday I'll be able to shoot that accurately! Aside from the first gun I got to shoot, Brie and I also had the opportunity to shoot with two other guns. The second one we used, had a much stronger kickback. Brie went first this time and her reaction was priceless! Unfortunately, we didn't get it on camera, but I can assure you that it was quite funny. All in all, both of us had a really fun time shooting for the first time and I can't wait to do it again some time!

Another adventure that we had was going off-roading. This wasn't something we had planned on doing, but I feel like spontaneous happenings always turn out to be more fun anyways! Like I said before, I don't exactly know where we were, but I do know that we were right next to Utah Lake. As we started driving, we got stuck going up this steep and rocky path. It took a while to maneuver our way up it, but after a good fifteen minutes we managed to make it up. I'm not going to lie, it was a little scary because we were really high up and there were no railings to separate our car from a very steep and long drop. But my fear quickly subsided as I looked out the window and witnessed the most beautiful sunset I've seen since living in Utah. The last rays of sunlight shined down on Utah Lake and the colors of the sky against the mountains was such a pretty thing to see. I kept trying to take pictures, but iPhone cameras can't do that sight justice! We drove all the way up to the top, next to some sort of observatory, and I got to walk around and look out over the valley. It was actually pretty cool to see BYU from a different point of view than what I'm accustomed to. Needless to say, the view was amazing and it was a great reminder that I'm blessed to live in such a beautiful place!

I'm so glad that I got to experience shooting a gun, it's been a long time coming. Hopefully I'll get to go shooting again this summer! Also, you might not be able to see it very well, but the reflection of the mountains on the lake was breathtaking. I find it kind of funny that even though there wasn't much, I still walked in more snow while on that mountain top than I've pretty much walked in since living in Provo. Apparently this winter has been the warmest Utah has seen in twelve years! I'm not complaining though! I'll take this warm winter over snow any day! Oh, and if you were wondering...